So, your partner has just let the cat out of the bag. They have a tickling fetish. You have never really thought much about those kinds of things. Perhaps you are a bit freaked out. Perhaps you are even a bit scared. Maybe you are deathly ticklish and afraid of being tickled. Maybe you hate tickling altogether. Maybe you find tickling interesting, but are confused about the whole fetish thing.
For starters, you must begin by understanding your partner. Your partner is the person you love or care about, or both. You must understand that they have no choice. A fetish is not a choice. They can’t just go to a therapist and make the fetish go away, any more than they can change their sexual orientation.
Your partner’s tickling fetish makes them vulnerable. They will be turned on by everything tickling and it will sometimes embarrass them and make them uncomfortable. They have just admitted something extremely personal because they trust you with every part of their being. By accepting and understanding their fetish, you will help them to be less embarrassed and uncomfortable.
If you have an aversion to tickling, it is best to start exploring that aversion and what makes you respond negatively to tickling. As discussed in an earlier chapter, it may be time for you to find your inner child, that little kid who used to be wild and free. Perhaps you weren’t wild and free enough as a child and need to access that part of yourself as an adult. Maybe you need to connect with your ticklish self and, trust me, you do have a ticklish side of yourself and you don’t have to laugh like crazy to prove to yourself that you do indeed have a ticklish child inside you just waiting to come out. You don’t even have to be deathly ticklish to realize that you might enjoy tickling on an erotic, fun and childlike level.
Some people simply cannot be tickled. It actually hurts them and is so terribly uncomfortable. That is a difficult thing for a ler to deal with, even if they love their partner. In that case, the relationship can be a challenging one. It is okay if a tickle fetishist has a partner who does not share the same tickling fetish, as long as they are open to it and willing to explore and learn about it. To be a true partner to a tickle fetishist, the non-tickle fetishist must learn to allow tickling into their lives, or the relationship might not stand much of a chance. If your love is strong enough, perhaps the tickling can take a back seat. But, I really do not see how a healthy level of intimacy can be built when fetishes are being denied and locked out of the bedroom.
If you don’t enjoy being tickled and your partner is mainly a lee, then you are in luck. All you have to do is learn more about tickling and how best to tickle your partner to give them pleasure. If however your partner is primarily a ler or if they enjoy both equally, then you might have a serious problem in your relationship. Your partner will have the desire to tickle you and not allowing them to do so is like taking candy away from a child. It is like denying your partner their favorite dessert. They will starve internally if they are unable to fulfill their desire to tickle you. They might even look elsewhere for a tickle buddy, which may or may not be acceptable, based on the terms you set for the relationship.
Don’t forget, your partner’s tickling fetish is only a small part of who they are. Don’t let their fetish override the feelings that you have for them. Don’t let it blind you from all of the things that make you care for them or love them and all the things that drew you to them in the first place.
Even though your partner’s fetish is only a small part of them, it is still a significant part of their sensuality. It is important to understand that tickling is a very intense fetish to have. Your partner will probably have times in their life where the fetish is more intense and more prominent. Other times, they might not need as much tickling in their life. The intensity can seem unbearable at times, especially if the fetishist’s tickle needs are not being met.
If they are overwrought with tickle desires to the point where it seems as if they can’t let go of the need to experience tickling in their lives, it is probably because they have been denied their most primitive and natural longings. Your partner has perhaps longed to share their fetish with other partners or friends who maybe did not take them seriously. Perhaps they have shared their desires with you, or attempted to, only to be met by rejection or by a reaction to their fetish that made them feel as if you did not take them seriously. Your partner or loved one needs to be taken seriously. A tickling fetish is, believe it or not, very serious business and will not fade away into the night. Tickling desires will not be ignored. They are too powerful and strong. Your partner needs to feel free to explore all of their tickling desires and urges with you.
A lot of times it is better to just give in to the urges and desires of your partner, especially when it comes to tickling. Tickling is one of those fetishes that can feel like an inner hunger, a desire to consume the pleasure that it brings. It is like craving a milkshake or piece of chocolate. If you fill the urge, there will be a nice period of contentment and even relaxation. But if you fight the urge, the tickling desires just become stronger and often times, mighty difficult to live with.
So, what now? You have found out your partner has a tickling fetish. How you choose to look at that fact and your reactions can either mean a bright future for your relationship or the beginning of a kind of negativity and non-acceptance that no relationship can survive long term.
Look at the positive side of this new information. You have so many romantic tickling opportunities ahead of you. Take advantage of them. It is important to accept your partner’s tickling fetish. It is a part of them and will not go away. It is a beautiful part of them. Embrace their tickling fetish and love them for it. So, your partner has a tickling fetish. So what? Now it is time to let that delicious fact benefit your relationship.
It is vitally important in a relationship for each person to have something to teach the other and for each person to be open to learning from each other. So, your partner loves tickling and wants to teach you about it, or learn more about it themselves with your support and assistance. Perhaps you have things you would like them to be open to as well and things you would like to teach them. Be open and learn from each other. Don’t shut out tickling, just because it is not something you have thought much about, or something you haven’t liked very much up to this point.
You may find that seeing your partner aroused from tickling might very well delight you. You may discover how happy and full of elation you feel as your partner lights up from the mere mention of tickling. Just think about it. If your partner is a lee, you can use tickling to elicit a very powerful reaction from them, just by merely mentioning it. When you finally do tickle them, you will see the light inside them turn on. Seeing your partner aroused and feeling their heartbeat increase and their breathing get heavier will make you feel closer to them and will only serve to help the two of you bond even further. After all, tickling is about bonding.
If your partner is a lee with a submissive side, you can use tickling to persuade them to do things. If they have been refusing to watch your favorite movie, or go to your favorite hot spot or sporting event, simply tickle them. Tickle them for as long as it takes to bring them around to your way of thinking.
Remember those delightful tickle danger zones I mentioned in an earlier chapter? Find your partner’s tickle danger zones and use them to your advantage. Use those delightful tickle danger zones to make them surrender.
After all, if you have been exploiting their tickle danger zones for a long enough period of time, they will swoon, blush, giggle, moan, and maybe even find themselves unable to resist surrender. You can use their very own tickle danger zones against them, provided they have a submissive side and are open to being persuaded in such a way.
So, what does it mean for your relationship if your partner is mainly a ler and wants to tickle you? In fact, they admit to you that they have been wanting to tie you up and tickle you. Tickling you is their greatest desire. What do you do now? Perhaps you are hesitant about being tied up. First of all, tickling does not need to involve restraints. Let your partner know you are not ready to be tied up, but that you are willing to let them tickle you. Your partner may not even have any desire to use restraints. They may just want you to surrender to them for a short while.
Oh yes, I’m afraid surrender is not an option when it comes to tickling. It is a big step, but if you are in a loving and healthy relationship, it is a necessary step.
We have discussed the romantic part of tickling, but if your partner has a tickling fetish, there are times when they might want the tickling to become a bit more intense. It can still be very sexy and romantic, but intensity is often increased when true surrender is involved.
Surrender is important, especially if your partner is a ler and wants to tickle you. After all, surrender is not only very sexy, but it can be extremely romantic as well. It can be a romantic bonding experience like no other.
From Let’s Talk About Tickling.
Copyright © 2015 Veronica Frances
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